Many wonder, some ask “why the five year age gap between your two girls”. Ok since you are ballsy enough to ask, you will get the entire story…
We certainly didn’t plan or want this big gap, but life has other plans for you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. After I had my first daughter, I was absolutely in no rush to have another child. I could not imagine in my wildest dreams to have another baby while I still had a baby. Around May 2006 (about two and half years later) I “accidentally” got pregnant. We certainly did not plan it, especially since my husband had just quit his job to be self employed. But we were ecstatic! We told everyone we knew. What could possibly go wrong since I had such a non-eventful first pregnancy.
Something was weird from the beginning the ONLY pregnancy symptom that I had was extreme exhaustion. Not just feeling a little more tired, but I could not keep my eyes open; any time of the day. I would come home from work and fall asleep for about an hour or two. Pregnancy didn’t even cross my mind because I wasn’t having any other symptom. After I had not gotten my period for a week, I took a pregnancy test while we were away for a wedding. Of course it was POSITIVE.
About a week after we found out, we went out of town for Memorial Day weekend. We were at the beach when I started bleeding. Of course my husband and I panicked and turned to our trusty “what to expect when your expecting” book. I also called my sister in law who was a nurse. She said some bleeding during pregnancy can be ok and that I should call my doctor. I tried to call but the message only said that if it was an emergency to go to the emergency room. It wasn’t that bad, so I waited it out. During the night, it got bad and I got major cramps. I woke up my husband around 5am and said we should go to the emergency room.
We left the beach and dropped off my daughter and dog at my parents house before going to the emergency room. We were there for what seemed like forever and I was so tired of being poked and prodded. At one point they made my husband go back to the waiting room so they could ask me questions, like if I was scared to be with him, or at home, etc. During that time they moved me and I couldn’t find him. I remember calling him from the ultrasound room telling him to tell the nurses that I needed him. I was tired and scared of being alone. I NEEDED him! I already knew the bad news, I had a feeling, I needed him with me.
Of course the bad news was that I miscarried. “don’t worry” they tell you “it happens a lot more than you think. Many women miscarry and then go on to have perfectly normal pregnancy”. It was really tough to get through, but yes, I did know many women who had miscarried before.
Since getting pregnant, the thought of having another baby enticed me. We were recommended by my doctor to wait 3 months before trying again. I didn’t think I could wait the three months, but they come a lot faster than you think. You think you are ready, but I wasn’t. I needed more time.
Finally I decided we were ready and tried for one month before getting pregnant right before Thanksgiving 2006. Since the miscarriage, we decided to tell NO ONE except immediate family. Everything seemed to be going great. A couple weeks into the pregnancy I started to bleed. I immediately called my doctor who wanted to see me because of my past miscarriage. I went in and they sent me to get an ultrasound. The doctor’s office was booked so they sent me to a women’s center. They wouldn’t let me look at the screen or even talk to me. They would only talk to the doctor’s office who would tell them to either tell me the news or have me come in.
After the ultrasound, the technician told me to go back to the doctor’s office. “Uh Oh this can’t be good!” I went back and met with the doctor in his office, not even an exam room. He said that the ultrasound showed the pregnancy in my cervix as opposed to my uterus. Unfortunately the cervix cannot withstand a pregnancy. They thought that this could be the start of a miscarriage, so we were put on the “wait and see what happens” theory. A week later, I went back only to find that the pregnancy was still in the same place. Everything about the pregnancy was great, expect for the location.
My doctor said that the pregnancy HAD to be terminated! The cervix would bust once the pregnancy started to grow and that could/would hurt me. They gave me two options: a pill that would slowly take away the pregnancy or a D&C. I opted for the D&C so I could have a quick and swift ending (the pill could take 2 weeks to a month, and I couldn’t bear the thought of miscarrying for that long). In the hospital the staff told me that there was VERY good chance that I would have to have a hysterectomy. Fortunately, the pregnancy wasn’t implanted that deep into the cervix and the hysterectomy was unnecessary. I had the D&C about two weeks before Christmas. My doctor (whom I absolutely adore) told my husband and mom that it was a Christmas Miracle that they did not have to take my entire uterus. Looking back now, it truly was a gift!
Once again, I was advised not to get pregnant for 3 months; and once again, 3 months came too fast. I had already lost two babies in one year, so I struggled with the thought of getting pregnant again. It wasn’t until November 2007 that I was ready to start trying again. I had my annual with my ob/gyn in November and we talked about the possibility of me getting pregnant again. I was all set to start trying in December. But we wouldn’t get that far.
The day after Thanksgiving, I took a test and it was positive. Since my other two experiences, my doctor wanted to see me right away. He was concerned that the cervical pregnancy might happen again. That first visit they gave me an ultrasound; I was seven weeks and EVERYTHING was perfect. I left the doctor’s office with my first picture of my baby.
Every pregnancy is a miracle and a gift from God! After having lost two babies, I now realize how important life is. I will never forget those babies. I had such vivid dreams about them. By getting pregnant again and being able to sustain my fourth pregnancy, I know that God has bigger plans for me. My second daughter is Truly a gift from God and I will never forget that.
